These are some grammar, style and usage tips that I am collecting and posting for the benefit of my local writing group.
The Proper Care and Feeding of Commas
Part 1: Where commas are just not welcome…
Okay, before I get into how to use commas appropriately, you all get to be subjected to my very favorite joke ever. Stop me if you’ve heard this one (oh wait – you CAN’T! Muahahahaha!):
A small bear-like creature gets off of his horse and strides confidently through the batwing doors of a small Western town’s saloon. Everyone stops and watches as he crosses the floor and climbs to the top of an empty stool at the bar. The barkeep approaches him and asks “What’ll it be?” The creature glances briefly at the assorted bottles of liquor and says “I’d like some fresh eucalyptus leaves, please.” The barkeep nods at the barmaid, and she scurries to the kitchen. In a few moments, she returns with a plate of nice fresh eucalyptus. The creature hungrily devours his order and dabs his chin with a napkin. He stands on the bar stool, lays his money on the counter, and then swiftly draws his six-gun and shoots the barkeep right between the eyes. The stricken barmaid screams and asks “But…but…why???” The creature holsters his gun, jumps off the stool and walks to the door. Just before leaving, he turns and says “I’m a koala – look it up.” The barmaid pulls a dusty dictionary from behind the bar and opens it up to “K.” She reads aloud to the bar “Koala: Noun. A small marsupial that eats shoots and leaves.”
NOTE: This is where the traditional version of the joke ends, followed by laughter from word nerds everywhere. This “edutainment” version continues -
The barmaid, a grammarian, chases after the koala, dictionary in hand. She shows the entry to the koala and he becomes very embarrassed. He pulls out his pocket dictionary and shows her its entry “Koala: Noun. A small marsupial that eats, shoots and leaves.”
The moral of the story is obviously that missing or misplaced commas can cause real problems. Here are a few basic “don’ts” for comma use:
1. Commas are not used to separate the subject of a sentence from the verb.
Wrong: The quick brown fox, jumped over the lazy dog.
2. Compound predicates are not separated by commas.
Note: The predicate is the “verb part” of a sentence.
Wrong: The quick brown fox jumped over, and ran around the lazy dog.
3. Do not separate compound subjects or compound objects with a comma.
Note: The subject is the “noun part” of the sentence. An object in a sentence is something that “receives the action” of the verb in a sentence. Example: I ate the cheese. I is the subject, ate is the verb and cheese is the object.
Wrong: The quick brown fox, and the small grey mouse jumped over the lazy dog. (compound subject)
Wrong: The quick brown fox avoided the lazy dog, and the small grey mouse. (compound object)
4. Commas are not used to separate verbs from their objects / subject complements. They are also not used to separate prepositions from their objects.
Note: A subject compliment is a word that appears in the predicate and describes or defines the sentence?s subject.
Wrong: The quick brown fox jumped, over the lazy dog. (object)
Wrong: The brown fox seemed, quick. (complement)
Wrong: The quick brown fox jumped over, the lazy dog.
5. Commas should not be used before the first item in a series or after the last one.
Wrong: The quick brown fox, jumped, skipped and hopped over the lazy dog.
Wrong: The quick brown fox jumped, skipped and hopped, over the lazy dog.
6. Commas should not be used to set off “essential elements” of a sentence.
Wrong: The fox, that jumped over the lazy dog, was quick and brown.
Wrong: The fox, jumping over the dog, was quick and brown.
7. Commas do not follow main (or independent) clauses when they are followed by a subordinate (or dependent clause).
Note: Clauses are sentence components. “Main” or “independent” clauses can stand on their own as complete sentences. “Subordinate” or “dependent” clauses are not complete sentences and make no sense by themselves.
Wrong: The quick brown fox jumped over the lazy dog, to get to the cheese.
Wrong: The quick brown fox jumped over the lazy dog, while he was sleeping.
EXCEPTION: If you have a contradiction or contrast, THEN you will sometimes use a comma:
Correct: The quick brown fox jumped over the lazy dog, even though it was quite dangerous.
Part 2: Where commas belong…
1. Commas should be used to separate independent clauses when they are joined together by a coordinating conjunction.
Note: The seven coordinating conjunctions are And, But, Or, Nor, For, So and Yet.
The quick brown fox jumped, but the lazy dog just lay there.
2. Commas should be used
* After introductory clauses
While the lazy dog was sleeping, the quick brown fox jumped over him.
* After phrases
With a stunning display of grace, the quick brown fox jumped over the lazy dog.
* After words that precede the main clause
Most vulpines avoid canines. However, the quick brown fox jumped over the lazy dog.
3. Use commas to set off subordinate clauses and other unessential elements.
* At the beginning of a sentence
In spite of her fear of dogs, the quick brown fox jumped over the lazy schnauzer.
* In the middle of a sentence
The quick brown fox, who had just stolen the cheese, jumped over the lazy dog.
The fox, who enjoys jumping, leaped over the lazy dog.
The dog, sleeping soundly, failed to notice the fox.
4. Commas should be used to separate three or more items in a series. Items may be individual words, phrases, or clauses.
Note: There are two main schools of thought with regard to the use of commas in a series. One says that a comma should appear before the “and,” the other
says it’s not necessary. So long as you are consistent throughout your piece, either is acceptable.
The fox was quick, brown, agile and daring. OR The fox was quick, brown, agile, and daring.
The fox jumped over the dog, stole the cheese he was guarding, jumped back across and then made her escape.
The fox, who was clever and daring, who had quickness and agility and who wanted the cheese, jumped over the lazy dog.
5. Commas should be used to separate two or more coordinate adjectives describing the same noun. An additional comma should NOT be placed between the second/last adjective in the series and the noun.
Note: “Coordinate” adjectives are ones that carry equal weight (neither is “superior” to the other). Adjectives can be identified as coordinate if they can both/all
be removed from or rearranged in the sentence or if the word ?and? can be inserted between them without damaging the sentence?s integrity.
The fox was a clever, agile cheese thief.
The fat, lazy, sleeping dog was oblivious to the clever fox.
6. Commas should separate contrasting elements at the end of a sentence, or simply to indicate a significant pause or shift in meaning/mood.
The dog was merely lazy, not slow.
The fox seemed clever, almost supernaturally so.
The fox jumped over the dog, didn’t she?
7. Commas should be used to set off phrases, if those phrases can be moved to other locations within the sentence without causing confusion.
Correctg: The fox, moving gracefully, jumped over the dog.
Moving gracefully, the fox jumped over the dog.
CAUTION: Keep an eye on how you position these clauses. In this version of the sentence, it is not clear if it is the fox or the dog that is moving gracefully.
The fox jumped over the dog, moving gracefully.
NEWS FLASH! Writing is Made Dull and Uninteresting by the Passive Voice!
Yep it’s time for my monthly (sorta) post.
The topic? The passive voice!
Today’s lesson is brought to you by the letter “L” for “lame!” (That’s “lame” like “l33t 5p33k,” not lamé, like an 80s prom dress. Wait, that’s lame too….)
First off, what is “passive voice?”
I think perhaps many writers don’t truly understand what this means. As a result, even when they are told “hey – you are writing in passive voice – knock it off!” they are unable to fix it.
I also think that in some cases writers think it sounds more ‘erudite” or “fancypants” or something. I’m here to tell you that, in general, it’s a bad bad thing in fiction, and you shouldn’t do it.
See if you can identify the difference between these two sentences:
1. The accordion was played by Joe.*
2. Joe played the accordion.
*I was going to say “The talking fast was done by Laura,” but that really made it much more complicated and less clear. And less funny – but that’s a perspective thing.
If you guessed “Hey – one of those was PASSIVE,” you were right. But which one, Sherlock? Hopefully you said that “1″ was the passive one.
The question is, do you know why?
Okay gang – ready for some super-exciting grammar action? Here’s a standard definition of passiveivityness:
“A passive construction occurs when you make the object of an action into the subject of a sentence. That is, the one performing the action is not the grammatical subject of the sentence.”
–http://www.unc.edu/
How many of you heard Charlie Brown’s teacher there after a few words? Yeah – me too.
Okay, I didn’t really, but that’s only because I like this stuff.
Here is what it says in plain English:
You have a sentence, like “The quick brown fox jumped over the lazy dog.”
The subject is “fox,” right? And what is “dog?” Anyone? Anyone remember the piece on commas? Dog is the “direct object” – it’s the thing that received the action (jumping over) of the subject (fox).
Now, if we turn that sucker around and make the DOG the subject – THEN we have “passive.”
“The lazy dog was jumped over by the quick brown fox.”
Basically you are making the SUBJECT of the sentence the thing that did not really DO anything! The dog did nothing – that was the POINT of the sentence! He just sat there and took it like a big slug. And yet, for some RIDICULOUS reason, he’s the one we’re talking about. What about the fox? The FOX was the one who did something ? he jumped! Yeah – right OVER that lazy dog! It happened. I was there. I saw it and it was awesome. The dog might as well have been a rock or a log or a boiled egg. Totally irrelevant. So why – oh sweet mercy why – would you make that”….that LUMP the subject of your sentence? YOU WOULDN’T!
Now, why is passive construction a problem?
First off, passive structure is a style thing that is just bad – not “wrong” or “grammatically incorrect.” Sentences can be perfectly correct and still be passive. And passive sentences can absolutely be okay. For example, if you go to the theatre you might hear the announcement “The parts of Sally and Big Boy will be played by Joe Baric and Jason Cronbaugh in this evening’s performance.” That’s passive. But it’s correct and it works fine in this case.
NOT so good is something like
“The monstrous hover tank was destroyed by plasma when its thick titanium hide was pierced by the K1445 Lava Class missile that was fired from the warlockbot’s turret on the hill.”
Okay, so admittedly this sentence is silly beyond just the not one, not two, but THREE passive statements (can you spot them?). By the time you piece it all out, you’re exhausted and don’t much care any more.
Why not say:
“The warlockbot’s hilltop turret fired a K1445 Lava Class missile. It hit the monstrous hover tank, piercing its thick titanium hide. The crew’s screams crescendoed to silence as plasma flowed from the wound like steaming pus, destroying the once great vessel in a white-hot river of death.”
Yeah, so I did more than just made it less passive. BUT, you could NOT have gracefully added that detail if you were still trying to work around all that passive nonsense.
Passive structures just don’t work well when you are trying to convey action. Action=active. Get it? Now, Passion does NOT equal passive. “As the waves crashed and the rain fell, the rope from the helicopter was gripped tightly by a determined Big Boy, who was clung to by Sally, who shivered and watched the sharks circling below.”
Make sense?
Let’s look at a few more – see if you can tell which ones are passive:
The pterodactyl was expertly drawn by Cass.
Chuck and Jon were arguing about the scene’s point of view.
“Andy with a y” is often confused (though not in person) with “Andi with an I.”
Dead horses are often beaten by people in our group.
Grammatical rules are usually of little importance to Maddie.
Betsy, Hoss’ wife, will be making her famous apple custard pie for us this evening.
The quietest member of our group is Lisa.
Bobbie’s favorite color, “Joe Red,” is often seen at Thursday night meetings.
Commas cause Jason to have conniption fits.
The violent takeover of the Dead Horse Society was something of which young Jeff had dreamed for decades.
Any questions? Comments? Thoughts? Ideas?
Oh – the answers? No. I am not giving the answers. Not yet. Discuss.
